How to Answer to a “How are you Doing?”

Take it easy, take a couple of deep breaths.

Most people have absolutely no idea how to deal with you and your loss.

Most people will just avoid the subject altogether.

Most people do not want to imagine what it would be like, to bury their own child: it is the scariest thought…

Most people just want you to say that you are fine.

You’ll need to decide for yourself what is best for you: it will probably be different depending on your energy level in that specific moment:

  • You can just say “I’m fine”;
  • You can refuse to do so and explain just why you are not fine and can’t be expected to be “fine”;
  • You’ll have people judging you, considering that 2, 3 or 4 weeks of mourning is plenty, and that you should just get your act together and go on with your life… Again, the answer you’ll give will depend on the circumstances, but be prepared to feeling outraged on several occasions.

Some people will give you cheap comments: you’ll never be prepared to hear such harsh comments, but knowing that they will come, will avoid you the surprise-effect of the first hits.

Please refer to our list of Resources.

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Read more within the “Practicalities” Menu:
Giving Birth   Seeing the Baby: Pictures + Hands & Feet Prints
Autopsy   Memory Box – Baby Book   Planning the Funeral
How to Answer to a “How are you Doing?”   Finding your New Normal
Someone You Care About Just Lost a Baby
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Practicalities   Support   Which Trimester?
Was it your Firstborn?    (Not) Trying Again?
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